The Miracle of Littlehampton Harbour

Littlehampton Harbour and river is the only harbour in the world to have intelligent water.

The EA’s sea defence proposals only include building on one side of the harbour and river, this being the East Side.

Therefore, full credit must be given to the Environment Agency for working out that the water flowing in and out of Littlehampton harbour via the river mouth will know which side to rise up on (East Side) and which side to avoid (West Side).

After all it would be crying shame if given the £13 million spend on sea defences that the water took it upon itself to flood the side where the Environment Agency haven’t carried out any sea defences.

I mean could you imagine for a moment the red faces at the Environment Agency where in between having to chase off out-of-season fishing men, collecting fishing rod licence fees and consulting tiresome local business owners, the EA were to realise that that everywhere else in the world, water rises on both sides of rivers and harbours. And that as they haven’t as much as provided a token rubber hose in their plans for the West Side of the river and harbour that this side will now be more prone to flooding.

Rest easy dear reader, I’ve no doubt that with the combined great engineering might of the EA Project Team and their expensive consulting engineers at Halcrow, that this potential flaw in their proposed plans hasn’t been addressed.

In fact, there can only be one explanation for this phenomenon:

That Littlehampton river and harbour is the subject of a miracle where we have the only intelligent sea water in the world that can independently discriminate on which side of the river/habour it should rise on so as not to make the Environment Agency and their engineers look silly.

To be fair, a similar thing happened before in biblical times.

Littlehampton Sea defences

Of course, now that we have intelligent water  running through Littlehampton harbour, we can look forward to a bright and prosperous future where given time we could become the next Lourdes, or at a push, Knock in Ireland.

Where we will be welcoming busloads of tired, weary and hungry pilgrims who have come to pay special homage to Littlehampton harbour to witness for themselves this intelligent water.

Littlehampton Sea Defence Miracle

WEEK 5:  INTELLIGENT WATER DISCOVERED IN LITTLEHAMPTON HARBOUR.

Of course, it could be (dare I say it, but I feel I must..) that the Environment Agency haven’t discovered intelligent water in Littlehampton harbour and that their efforts to enhance the East Bank Sea Defences will have a disastrous and potentially fatal effect on the mostly unprotected East Side of the River..

I’m not an engineer but I’d imagine that if you built out and up one side of a fast flowing river bank without making any provision on the other side that this activity would have a deferential effect on the unprotected side?

Some of us with a bit of experience of previous government initiatives, particularly in times of recession, will appreciate the perils of State-led, target driven capital expenditure projects and will dismiss the idea that this is a miracle.

I’d expect disbelievers will face being ostracised as being ‘negative thinkers’ and labelled ‘troublemakers’ finding themselves being denied invites to consultation meetings with all their death-by-powerpoint presentations, dry biscuits and urn coffee and misleading information.

If I were either a resident or business owner located on the West Side of Littlehampton harbour or river, I’d be pretty worried about the increasingly serious risk of getting wet feet and seeing my home and business disappear as one part of the Littlehampton town is pitted against the other as sea levels continue to rise.

Environment Agency Sea DefencesAbove is a picture of the entrance to Littlehampton Harbour taken during Spring Tides. As you can see, the water is almost at footpath level. Now look across the river at the other side where the river is already flooding over the existing sea defences. The Environment Agency Sea Defence Plans – cost circa £13 million will not include any work to the other side.

I don’t think you need to be an engineer, coastal or otherwise, to work out that by dramatically building out the existing wall, and significantly increasing its height, these actions will have an equally dramatic effect on the other side.

LittlehamptonYou can see from the above picture that the East Side (right hand side) is already significantly higher than the West Side. If you look again at the picture above this one, you’ll see that the area where the two people are walking is flooded. The size of the area that’s flooded is quite remarkable.

I going to question why £13 million of tax payers money is being spent to build a wall on one side, and nothing on the other?

I asked this question previously at a consultation meeting with the EA Project Team and Arun District Council Officers back in the Autumn of 2012. We were assured by the Project Manager that there was no problem with this arrangement, and we were promised to be shown some mock-ups of how the water would flow. Talk of University students and mock-ups in tanks followed. But of course, to-date we’ve been shown nothing.

Time will tell, of course, whose right.

But I cannot see how building a wall on one of side of what is now regarded as the UK’s fastest flowing river without taking any remedial action to the other side, could be classified as sea defences, unless of course, you disregard the West Side completely as being unworthy of being defended or this is a simply another government project to build out way of recession.

No more building roads and houses. The former is too anti the ‘green’ agenda. The latter too reminiscent of greedy developers and banks, so instead let’s build some walls on one side of the river at a whopping great cost of £13 million and call it sea defences.

A bit like going out wearing only one shoe..

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